The Pregnant Pause — by Dan Lynn

By Dan Lynn

When I worked at ADP, one of the senior-most leaders was an ex-McKinsey consultant. Initially, I had a really hard time connecting with him. Our meetings just didn't flow.

He'd ask me a question. I'd answer it. And then he'd just sit there and look at me.

Eventually, I'd have to fill the void. It led to choppy, awkward conversations — and I definitely felt like I was failing.

Then one day I met a guy who used to work for my boss at McKinsey. He gave me four words of advice: "Watch out for the pregnant pause."

I had no idea what he meant, so I asked.

He told me my boss was famous for the pregnant pause. It's a questioning strategy: you ask a question, and then you don't say a word. You just sit there. Inevitably, the other person has to fill the void — and they provide information they never intended to give.

It goes like this. My boss would ask, "So how's the project going?"

"Great."

Silence. He wouldn't say a word.

"Well... we did miss that one date."

Silence again.

"The client isn't happy as a result, and they may be at risk."

That's the pregnant pause. It's a strategy for getting deeper information, and it works because silence is uncomfortable and someone has to break it. The first to speak loses.

Everything changed after that. He'd ask me a question. I'd answer the question — just the question. He wouldn't say a word. I wouldn't say a word. It became a game of chicken. Slightly ridiculous, two grown men sitting in silence at ADP. But never again did I fill the void. I was on to his strategy.

I've used the pregnant pause many, many times in my career since. It's really effective — although slightly awkward. Ask your question. Then stop talking. You'll be amazed at what people tell you when you give them nothing but room.

And there are really two lessons here. The first is the technique. The second is knowing when it's being used on you — because once you can see the pause, you get to decide whether to fill it.