The Power of Intentions – Part Four: Clarity — by Elazar Aslan
By Elazar Aslan
A woman in one of my leadership programs asked to work on her executive meetings. She wanted to be clearer and less anxious in them. That was the stated goal; it is rarely the real one.
She had privately decided to leave her company within two years. Nobody knew. So she was quietly handing off work, training others to take it, staying out of anything that didn't matter. And then, every time she walked into a room of senior sponsors, the overachiever in her woke up. She wanted to be noticed. She wanted to be liked. She wanted credit for the strategic work she had been selling. And she wanted, very much, not to be given any more work.
When she heard herself say it out loud, she laughed. "I want to be noticed. I want to be liked, and I want to be not given more work." That is what anxiety in a meeting usually is. Not nerves. Not a lack of preparation. It is a set of intentions that cannot all win at once, pulling in different directions, so that no matter what you do you are betraying one of them. Push, and you have asked for more work. Stay quiet, and you have abandoned the credit. You can't win, and some part of you knows it before you sit down.
I call it pressing on the gas with the car not in gear. A great deal of noise, a lot of fuel, and no movement. We laid every intention on the table, the flattering ones and the others, without judging any of them. Then she chose the one that mattered in that room: to be true to herself, and to add value in the parts she played. The rest — to be liked, to belong, to find her next job, to do less — were real, and they belonged somewhere else. Her actions became obvious in about a minute: join the prep meeting, keep doing good work, speak up when the messaging wasn't accurate.
"It feels very clean," she said at the end. That is the whole of it. The action is always the easiest part. We keep bumping into the furniture because the lights are out, and then we call the bruises indecision. Turn the lights on first, then move the furniture.
Read all five parts of Intentions and add this powerful tool to your toolkit
Questions this Key Learning answers
Why do I feel anxious in meetings even when I am prepared?
The author suggests that meeting anxiety may come from conflicting intentions rather than poor preparation. Wanting recognition, approval, credit, and less responsibility can demand opposite behaviors. Speaking up may bring more work, while staying quiet may sacrifice credit. Our analysis describes this as the friction created when several desired outcomes cannot all succeed at once.
How do I handle conflicting goals before an important work meeting?
The author’s approach is to name every intention without judging it, including the less flattering or hidden ones. Then choose the single intention that matters in that specific room and place the others elsewhere. Once the author’s participant chose to be true to herself and add value, the appropriate actions became clear within minutes.
Should I speak up if I want credit but not more work?
The author shows why this choice can feel impossible: speaking up may earn recognition while inviting responsibility, and staying quiet may protect capacity while losing credit. Rather than trying to satisfy both motives, the author recommends deciding which intention governs that meeting. For his participant, that meant speaking when the messaging was inaccurate and continuing to do good work.